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About once a month, on a Friday or Saturday night, the Silicon Valley Technorati gather for a drug-heavy, sex-heavy party. The places change, but many of the players and the purpose remain the same. Like Julian Assange denouncing the nation-state, industry hotshots speak of these activities in a tone that is at once self-congratulatory and dismissive of criticism. Their behavior at these high-end parties is an extension of the progressiveness and open-mindedness—the audacity, if you will—that make founders think they can change the world.

Few participants, however, have been willing to describe these scenes to me without a guarantee of anonymity. If this were just confined to personal lives it would be one thing. The freewheeling sex lives pursued by men in tech—from the elite down to the rank and file—have consequences for how business gets done in Silicon Valley.

From reports of those who have attended these parties, guests and hosts include powerful first-round investors, well-known entrepreneurs, and top executives. Some of them are the titans of the Valley, household names. The female guests have different qualifications.

Some of the women work in tech in the Bay Area, but others come from Los Angeles and beyond, and are employed in symbiotic industries such as real estate, personal training, and public relations. In some scenarios, the ratio of women to wealthy men is roughly two to one, so the men have more than enough women to choose from. At these kinds of party, there are tons of them. I believe there is a critical story to tell about how the women who participate in these events are often marginalized, even if they attend of their own volition.

They are an underclass in Silicon Valley. To be clear, there is a wide range of parties for experimental sexual behavior. Some, devoted entirely to sex, may be drug- and alcohol-free to encourage safety and performance and demand a balanced gender ratio. That would upset the preferred gender ratio.

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Invitations are shared via word of mouth, Facebook, Snapchat perfect, because messages soon disappearor even basic Paperless Post. Women too will spread the word among their female friends, and the expectations are hardly hidden.

Perhaps this culture is just one of the many offshoots of the sexually progressive Bay Area, which gave rise to the desert festival of free expression Burning Man, now frequented by the tech elite. Still, the vast majority of people in Silicon Valley have no idea these kinds of sex parties are happening at all. And you might not understand, anyway.

This is how the night goes down, according to those who have attended. Sometimes the evening is catered. Alcohol lubricates the conversation until, after the final course, the drugs roll out. Some form of MDMA, a. Ecstasy or Molly, known for transforming relative strangers into extremely affectionate friends, is de rigueur, including Molly tablets that have been molded into the logos of some of the hottest tech companies. MDMA is a powerful and long-lasting drug whose one-two punch of euphoria and manic energy can keep you rolling for three or four hours. As dopamine fires, connections spark around the room, and normal inhibitions drop away.

People start cuddling and making out.

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Night turns to day, and the group reconvenes for breakfast, after which some may have intercourse again. Eat, drugs, sex, repeat. These sex parties happen so often among the premier V. Many guests are invited as couples—husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends—because open relationships are the new normal. While some parties may be devoted primarily to drugs and sexual activity, others may boast just pockets of it, and some guests can be caught unawares.

The living room had been blanketed in plush white faux fur and pillows, where, as the evening wore on, several people lay down and started stroking one another, Doe said, in what became a sizable cuddle puddle. It was Molly. Nervous, she dipped her finger into the powder and put it in her mouth. Soon, her guard dropped. Then, the male founder asked if he could kiss her. Jane Doe, who considers herself fairly adventurous and open-minded, kissed the founder, then became uncomfortable, feeling as if she had been pressured or targeted. She tried to escape to a different area of the party.

I would never do it again. When they look in the mirror, they see individuals setting a new paradigm of behavior by pushing the boundaries of social mores and values. At any party, there can be a situation where people cross the line. Women are often expected to be involved in threesomes that include other women; male gay and bisexual behavior is conspicuously absent. And, outside of the new types of drugs, these stories might have come out of the Playboy Mansion circa I had a wide-ranging conversation with Twitter co-founder Evan Williams about the peculiar mixture of audacity, eccentricity, and wealth that swirls in Silicon Valley.

Williams, who is married with two kids, became an Internet celebrity thanks to his first company, Blogger. How could it be anything but weird and dramatic and people on the edge testing everything? Rich men expecting casual sexual access to women is anything but a new paradigm.

But many of the A-listers in Silicon Valley have something unique in common: a lonely adolescence devoid of contact with the opposite sex. Married V. Now, to his amazement, he finds himself in a circle of trusted and adventurous tech friends with the money and resources to explore their every desire. After years of restriction and longing, he is living a fantasy, and his wife is right there along with him. They are finally getting theirs. There is an often told story that Silicon Valley is filled with women looking to cash in by marrying wealthy tech moguls. Whether there really is a ificant of such women is debatable.

The story about them is alive and well, however, at least among the wealthy men who fear they might fall victim. In fact, these guys even have a term for the women who pursue them: founder hounders. When I tell her this, Ava, a young female entrepreneur, rolls her eyes. She tells of being flown to exotic locations, put up in fancy hotels, and other ways rich men have used their money to woo her. After a few extravagant dates, Ava says, she will initiate a conversation about where the tryst is going.

The men then end things, several using the same explanation. The claim of being stalked by women often becomes an excuse used by some tech stars to justify their own predatory behavior. What that adds up to is a great deal of ego at play. You have relative traction. Why do I have to get married? Why do I have to be exclusive? Furthermore, these elite founders, C. At least on the financial level, Founder X has a point. Managing directors at top-tier investment banks may pocket a million a year and be worth tens of millions after a long career.

Early employees at tech firms like Uber, Airbnb, and Snapchat can make many times that amount of money in a matter of years. Celebrities such as Ashton Kutcher, Jared Leto, and Leonardo DiCaprio have jumped on that power train and now make personal investments in tech companies. The basketball great Kobe Bryant started his own venture-capital firm. LeBron James has rebranded himself as not just an athlete but also an investor and entrepreneur.

In the Valley, this expectation is often passed off as enlightened—a contribution to the evolution of human behavior. These founders do this, but try not to own it. They talk about diversity on one side of their mouth, but on the other side they say all of this shit.

For successful women in Silicon Valley, the drug-and-sex-party scene is a minefield to navigate. The problem is that the culture of sexual adventurism now permeating Silicon Valley tends to be more consequential for women than for men, particularly as it relates to their careers in tech. Take multi-time entrepreneur Esther Crawford, who is familiar with sex parties specifically those with an equal gender ratio and strict rules around consent and talks openly about her sexual experiments and open relationships.

What she has found is that, for a woman, pushing private sexual boundaries comes with a price. Ava was working as an executive assistant at Google when she ran into her married boss at a bondage club in San Francisco. He was getting a blow job from a woman strapped to a spanking bench who was being entered by another man from behind. However, a few months later, at a Google off-site event, another married male colleague approached her.

Who are you again? He was like, I know who you are. The other guys said you like all this stuff. She quit working at Google shortly thereafter. But when women put themselves in these situations, they risk losing credibility and respect. Not doing it was a thing.

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The women who do say yes to these parties rarely see a big business payoff. Those doors get shut. Great companies are built in the office, with hard work put in by a team. Sex Parties of the Tech and Famous. Within a month, Spicer, once a well-respected journeyman flack in D. e-mail address.

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