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I know what to lick, and when. To Hell with nine. Every damn list you see has a nine. I can keep a secret. All my friends are conservatives, and I'm not. My god doesn't mind if we screw. My wife is nice, so you don't have to listen to me complain about her. I'll share. I won't bag on your husband, even if he is an idiot.

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There's no one like me. I recycle. I'm a pretty good lay. I'm clean and my fingernails are trimmed. I didn't choose my career for the money. I do it because it helps. Swallowing is nice, but I don't mind if you have to spit it out. I brush my teeth a lot. And I floss. I'm STD free. I don't always snort when I laugh. Just sometimes. The fine print: 1. You must be looking for more than just sex.

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